Breathe in, breathe out

I am 61 years old. I have had an incredibly diverse set of life experiences, all of which are the pieces of the puzzle that is me. Many traumas, many blessings.
 I'm a pretty tough old bird, I seem to react to trauma situations with the "fight" mode rather than the "flight", but they certainly take their toll. As each trauma occurred, in my head I would think "This is the worst thing that has ever happened to me". Then the next trauma came along, and I would think "No, THIS is the worst thing that has ever happened to me." Now, the worst thing has happened, but it has only happened to ME in a sort of peripheral way.
 My youngest child and I were just hanging out at my house, doing nothing, really, except just being together. I was set to go to work in a couple of hours, and was more or less just chilling out. The front door was open , weather beautiful, springlike. Suddenly, we hear "WHUMP!!!!"I look at the kid, and say, "What was that? That didn't sound good AT ALL!" Kid gets up, goes out on the porch, looks up and down the road, sees nothing, and reports same. About 10 minutes later, he says he needs to get back to his house, about 3 blocks away and do some chores. In less than 5 minutes, I get a  call, "School bus hit a guy on a crotch rocket. It's really bad." I text my DIL (That is the last time you will see it put that way, from here on out she will be referred to as "My Baby". She is my child as much as any I bore.) "We just heard a loud "whump" outside. Kid was here. He went home, said a bus hit a guy on a crotch rocket." This was so she would pass it on to hubby . We all ride, and need moment by moment reminders to never let down our guard. But this time, I sure wish I hadn't done it. I have since had to watch my children go through the most excruciating pain there is , unable to even lessen it in any way. That has been my life's work, and with this, I have no power whatsoever.
 In the next few days, we will be burying my oldest son's and my baby's youngest son. I don't know how they are enduring this, but they are doing what I know Cody would want them to do. It's going to be a very long road for all of us, but we have been comforted by an incredible outpouring of love, support and prayers. We are also comforted by the fact that Cody is an organ/tissue donor. His generosity will save 6-8 lives and improve countless more.
 I have heard many discussions about what a comfort this is, but unless you are in this position yourself, and I pray you never are, there are no words to define the level of comfort it truly is. To know that he is easing an exquisite pain borne by family members counting seconds to see if an organ will be found before their loved one dies, confirms that no matter what else this child did in his life, he ended it as a hero.
 We will go on, surviving from one breath to the next.