Artwork
"The rest of the story".....many of you will remember this, most as an enjoyable way to spend a few minutes and learn to not be so quick to judge what is seen on the surface.
I pestered my parents for a horse. We had a big back yard, not really big enough for a horse to run, but big enough to move around and graze. My parents, of course, were concerned about my being responsible in caring for that horse. They require a lot of care, and are an expense, as most animals are, without any return other than the pleasure they provide in companionship. I finally got my horse, with the assistance of Gil, a friend who had lived with us for awhile ( See the blog Hort Dorgs) . I was told he would be teaching me to ride and care for the horse. I was to do the training he taught me, but not to ride unless he was there, until I was good enough to be on my own. Gil came back twice to help me, then was never available from then on. I was only taught how to bridle and saddle the horse, and to lead it around and sort of teach it to "heel" as you would a dog. I don't remember how long we had the horse, but it wasn't very long until I lost interest in a very large yard pet. My Mom brought the horse up years later, saying"and you didn't even ride him!!!" She got very quiet when I related to her the reason. I did not ride him because I was obeying you.
We had many conversations like this in the nine years she was with us. I heard many stories that were similar from her. Stories that only came out because we had enough time together for the subjects to come up. A lot of hurts, angers and misunderstandings were put to rest because we had a chance to examine them closely and see the logic in each others' reactions to situations. We were also able to do it because the hurts, angers and misunderstandings had not yet reached a point of no return. The damage had not yet become irreparable. We both changed our ways of thinking in many areas because of this. Our changes were not apparent to anyone except those who were around us and knew our previous positions.
I didn't totally grow up until I was forty. I can be having a conversation with someone who has become a close friend, who thinks I am mostly wonderful, and they will say something about someone like "She's got three kids, all from different Daddies!" or "She's been married twice already, and she's only 26!" I will just smile. Most of these people know enough of my history to become very sheepish when they suddenly realize just who it is they said that to.
I am trying to learn not to defend myself anymore about my past. It doesn't matter. If you are not willing to learn who I am now and understand the big picture that made me that way, I don't need to expend the energy. I KNOW who I am now, and am still having trouble forgiving myself for some of my behaviors, even though logically, I know I can be forgiven my immaturity and my quick reacting passions. I try to do that with others, especially young people, who, when I look at them, I see myself.
My husband knows me, my children know me, my friends know me. They love me in spite of my warts. And they don't throw my past up in my face. I could carry around a list of what I perceive as transgressions committed by them . I choose to appreciate them for the joys they bring me. I am a Libra, as long as our relationship tips the scale in the positive, we are golden.
I don't always make a good first impression, but I promise, as long as you are willing to look at the big picture that frames me, I will grow on you.
I pestered my parents for a horse. We had a big back yard, not really big enough for a horse to run, but big enough to move around and graze. My parents, of course, were concerned about my being responsible in caring for that horse. They require a lot of care, and are an expense, as most animals are, without any return other than the pleasure they provide in companionship. I finally got my horse, with the assistance of Gil, a friend who had lived with us for awhile ( See the blog Hort Dorgs) . I was told he would be teaching me to ride and care for the horse. I was to do the training he taught me, but not to ride unless he was there, until I was good enough to be on my own. Gil came back twice to help me, then was never available from then on. I was only taught how to bridle and saddle the horse, and to lead it around and sort of teach it to "heel" as you would a dog. I don't remember how long we had the horse, but it wasn't very long until I lost interest in a very large yard pet. My Mom brought the horse up years later, saying"and you didn't even ride him!!!" She got very quiet when I related to her the reason. I did not ride him because I was obeying you.
We had many conversations like this in the nine years she was with us. I heard many stories that were similar from her. Stories that only came out because we had enough time together for the subjects to come up. A lot of hurts, angers and misunderstandings were put to rest because we had a chance to examine them closely and see the logic in each others' reactions to situations. We were also able to do it because the hurts, angers and misunderstandings had not yet reached a point of no return. The damage had not yet become irreparable. We both changed our ways of thinking in many areas because of this. Our changes were not apparent to anyone except those who were around us and knew our previous positions.
I didn't totally grow up until I was forty. I can be having a conversation with someone who has become a close friend, who thinks I am mostly wonderful, and they will say something about someone like "She's got three kids, all from different Daddies!" or "She's been married twice already, and she's only 26!" I will just smile. Most of these people know enough of my history to become very sheepish when they suddenly realize just who it is they said that to.
I am trying to learn not to defend myself anymore about my past. It doesn't matter. If you are not willing to learn who I am now and understand the big picture that made me that way, I don't need to expend the energy. I KNOW who I am now, and am still having trouble forgiving myself for some of my behaviors, even though logically, I know I can be forgiven my immaturity and my quick reacting passions. I try to do that with others, especially young people, who, when I look at them, I see myself.
My husband knows me, my children know me, my friends know me. They love me in spite of my warts. And they don't throw my past up in my face. I could carry around a list of what I perceive as transgressions committed by them . I choose to appreciate them for the joys they bring me. I am a Libra, as long as our relationship tips the scale in the positive, we are golden.
I don't always make a good first impression, but I promise, as long as you are willing to look at the big picture that frames me, I will grow on you.
posted by Mommanurse at 3:19 AM
1 Comments:
Warts and all, I still think you are pretty cool. Said the frog with his own warts and scars.
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