Just plain selfish
In my line of work, we do so many things that hurt, or are in the very least, uncomfortable, to try for a better outcome. Sometimes the hurt is worth it.
But, so many times, we are doing nothing but torture people who have no chance of recovery. If we don't follow "Doctor's orders", we are in danger of getting "written up", or even losing our jobs. If the family doesn't complain, we don't have much of a leg to stand on with some doctors, to get the unnecessary orders rescinded, and reduce the patient's discomfort. Why draw labs every day, when you aren't going to do anything about them, or doing something about them won't make a bit of difference?
Frustrating for us. It happens, more often than people realize, that people beg us to let them die. More than frustrating, it's heartbreaking.
How, in the bible belt of the south, where people profess to be Christians, believe in God and Heaven, do we see so many people who just can't make the decision to let their loved ones go to the next step? Even if you DON'T believe in heaven, and think that when you go, there is just nothingness, how can you let people lie in pain, often in their own excrement multiple times a day, confused and scared? Wouldn't nothingness be better than that?
BUT, if you believe that there is a heaven, and that it is more glorious than anything anyone can imagine, how can you be so selfish to keep someone you love from that, when there is no longer any joy in life, no hope for joy in life?
I wasn't ready for my Daddy to be gone from my life, and since he's gone, I miss him more than I ever imagined I could, but he is where he should be, where he earned the right to be. At the very least, out of pain, without fear. And if his heaven is custom made for him, as I hope it is for us all, what wonderful things is he getting to see and do, and be?
Many think that a living will is a legal document that will prevent them from being intubated, etc. Sadly it isn't, it is nothing more than a road map to inform the doctors of what your wishes are. Your family can override it, and if they find you "down" in your home, it doesn't keep the EMT's or Paramedics from HAVING to try to resuscitate you!!! You need an actual "DNR" order for them to legally be able to let you go.( Do NOT Resuscitate)
Do you trust your family to follow your wishes? Do you trust some of them and not others? Make it crystal clear what they are, and pick one person, next of kin if possible and give them your health care power of attorney. You have a better chance then of things being handled the way you want. Make sure they know your tissue/organ donation wishes as well.
Back to baseline.....If anyone in my family keeps me from seeing Jesus when it is my turn, I plan on not only haunting them, but cursing them with plagues and locusts for being so selfish. If I'm not having any fun any more, and there is very little hope for any more fun...(my fun, not theirs), it is TIME TO GO....SEE YOU LATER!!!!
Guilt? NO!!! Feel guilty that you aren't saving me from lab draws, a sore butt, repeated sticks for new IV sites, being awakened every 4 hours for vitals signs to be taken, confusion, fear, possible hallucinations (I doubt very few are like Sean Connery deciding he can no longer live without me and coming to take me to an island he bought just for us.)
We would die for our children, we need to plan way ahead of time to live without our loved ones who are ready to move on, no matter how much it hurts.
Insist on comfort measures based on what you know your loved ones want, talk about it so you'll know what that is. Show them you REALLY love them by finding out so you can be prepared to fight for what they want. My Doc, who I love dearly, and trust with my life AND my death, tells me how hard it is for him to give up. But because he is an honorable man, he respects his patient's wishes. Some will not. Ego. Feeling of failure. Whatever, it is still a crime.
I have been in attendance to many passings, and without a doubt it is a sad time. It is also rewarding and an honor to be able to be a comfort to someone's last moments on this earth, and a comfort to the family in pain. The most rewarding are those where the family is in full support of the patient, and are at peace because they are trusting that they are placing them in better hands. When they have given them permission to go, have assured them they will be okay still here until they can meet again. What a gift. Most of the time, the greatest gift ever given to them.
But, so many times, we are doing nothing but torture people who have no chance of recovery. If we don't follow "Doctor's orders", we are in danger of getting "written up", or even losing our jobs. If the family doesn't complain, we don't have much of a leg to stand on with some doctors, to get the unnecessary orders rescinded, and reduce the patient's discomfort. Why draw labs every day, when you aren't going to do anything about them, or doing something about them won't make a bit of difference?
Frustrating for us. It happens, more often than people realize, that people beg us to let them die. More than frustrating, it's heartbreaking.
How, in the bible belt of the south, where people profess to be Christians, believe in God and Heaven, do we see so many people who just can't make the decision to let their loved ones go to the next step? Even if you DON'T believe in heaven, and think that when you go, there is just nothingness, how can you let people lie in pain, often in their own excrement multiple times a day, confused and scared? Wouldn't nothingness be better than that?
BUT, if you believe that there is a heaven, and that it is more glorious than anything anyone can imagine, how can you be so selfish to keep someone you love from that, when there is no longer any joy in life, no hope for joy in life?
I wasn't ready for my Daddy to be gone from my life, and since he's gone, I miss him more than I ever imagined I could, but he is where he should be, where he earned the right to be. At the very least, out of pain, without fear. And if his heaven is custom made for him, as I hope it is for us all, what wonderful things is he getting to see and do, and be?
Many think that a living will is a legal document that will prevent them from being intubated, etc. Sadly it isn't, it is nothing more than a road map to inform the doctors of what your wishes are. Your family can override it, and if they find you "down" in your home, it doesn't keep the EMT's or Paramedics from HAVING to try to resuscitate you!!! You need an actual "DNR" order for them to legally be able to let you go.( Do NOT Resuscitate)
Do you trust your family to follow your wishes? Do you trust some of them and not others? Make it crystal clear what they are, and pick one person, next of kin if possible and give them your health care power of attorney. You have a better chance then of things being handled the way you want. Make sure they know your tissue/organ donation wishes as well.
Back to baseline.....If anyone in my family keeps me from seeing Jesus when it is my turn, I plan on not only haunting them, but cursing them with plagues and locusts for being so selfish. If I'm not having any fun any more, and there is very little hope for any more fun...(my fun, not theirs), it is TIME TO GO....SEE YOU LATER!!!!
Guilt? NO!!! Feel guilty that you aren't saving me from lab draws, a sore butt, repeated sticks for new IV sites, being awakened every 4 hours for vitals signs to be taken, confusion, fear, possible hallucinations (I doubt very few are like Sean Connery deciding he can no longer live without me and coming to take me to an island he bought just for us.)
We would die for our children, we need to plan way ahead of time to live without our loved ones who are ready to move on, no matter how much it hurts.
Insist on comfort measures based on what you know your loved ones want, talk about it so you'll know what that is. Show them you REALLY love them by finding out so you can be prepared to fight for what they want. My Doc, who I love dearly, and trust with my life AND my death, tells me how hard it is for him to give up. But because he is an honorable man, he respects his patient's wishes. Some will not. Ego. Feeling of failure. Whatever, it is still a crime.
I have been in attendance to many passings, and without a doubt it is a sad time. It is also rewarding and an honor to be able to be a comfort to someone's last moments on this earth, and a comfort to the family in pain. The most rewarding are those where the family is in full support of the patient, and are at peace because they are trusting that they are placing them in better hands. When they have given them permission to go, have assured them they will be okay still here until they can meet again. What a gift. Most of the time, the greatest gift ever given to them.
posted by Mommanurse at 6:27 AM
1 Comments:
Have you read Pet Cemetery? The Stephen King novel where there is an unusual cemetery i.e. buried things comes back to life but not quite like they were.
When I read that book, I kept thinking: if someone knew about a cemetery like that, why would they tell anyone else? Why would anyone want a loved one back knowing they wouldn’t be the same? Knowing they could be aggressive, in pain, unable to work or plan for a future. Their lives could be held in suspended animation permanently.
Then I thought of CPR! My God! We teach it to everyone. We encourage everyone to use it when in doubt, trying to bring back someone who has “died”.
Often we will go to great lengths to maintain life. We will do everything except the one thing we should do – listen when God is talking.
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