A Safe Place to Be
"I want to tell you about my best friend".....Isn't that the theme song to some show?
More and more, as I get older and less tolerant, I realize how she is sometimes the only thing that keeps me sane. She is absolutely and steadfastly that friend who would be unable to bail me out of trouble because we are looking at each other and saying "Damn, that was fun!" She is that friend who, after witnessing an event, I can turn to and ask "Is it me, or do I have good reason to be upset?", and she will give me an honest answer, AND get away with it! She will get away with it because she knows me well enough to be able to make me see how internal situations might skew my reactions. She does it from my frame of reference, pulling herself out of the emotional inflexiblity of her own opinion of the situation, and gently gives me my due while pointing me towards logic. Because of this, I have a chance to evaluate the validity of my own reactions before deciding upon an action. Or inaction.....as that is quite often the more legitimate choice.
She is neither a "Yes man" for me, or my devil's advocate. I don't go to her to hear what I want to hear. She also doesn't always subject me to "the other side of the story", if it isn't therapeutic and productive to do so. We have differences of opinion on some very basic and very important issues that cause heated debate between those who think they will be able to change someone's opinion if they just show them the "error in their thinking". We just don't debate those issues. Our bond is more important to us than that. Besides, we enjoy the stimulation of not being exactly the same. It isn't a threat in our relationship, it is something that keeps it new and fresh.
She knows how important she is in my life, and I am just as important in hers. Some people are fortunate enough to have such close relationships in their family lives, we are who we would choose if we were able to choose our families.
She is the person I can let know that I am about to go off the deep end because my psyche has endured too much in one sitting, and she will be an unobtrusive presence until I regain my equilibrium. She is the one I call first to share my triumphs, she knows just what they truly mean in my life.
She knows quite a bit of my history, and it is very different than hers. She doesn't hold any of it against me, she values it as a large part of what has made me who I am today, and recognizes it as learning experiences in my life. She doesn't assume that because I reacted a certain way to a certain set of circumstances in the past, that I will react again the same way, as I have learned from the past what was ineffective. She watches and celebrates my growth with me, and shares hers as well.
God willing, we will be the most enduring influence on each other's lives. I have had other friends in my life who were very nearly as important, but she is the one who is here, now, has been here, and as I said, God willing, WILL be here. I have NO doubt.....when you have that in someone, that is your safe place to be.
Being a nurse, I take care of crazy people sometimes. I am not a psych nurse, but it is the nature of the job that you see all kinds, and have to integrate all aspects of your patient's needs into their care to be effective in achieving your goals. I always wonder when I care for someone who has no real grasp anymore on reality, who doesn't take any responsibility for their actions, who sees and hears things that aren't there, how they got so far? Maybe it's because they didn't have anybody in their lives like my friend.....they never had a safe place to be.
More and more, as I get older and less tolerant, I realize how she is sometimes the only thing that keeps me sane. She is absolutely and steadfastly that friend who would be unable to bail me out of trouble because we are looking at each other and saying "Damn, that was fun!" She is that friend who, after witnessing an event, I can turn to and ask "Is it me, or do I have good reason to be upset?", and she will give me an honest answer, AND get away with it! She will get away with it because she knows me well enough to be able to make me see how internal situations might skew my reactions. She does it from my frame of reference, pulling herself out of the emotional inflexiblity of her own opinion of the situation, and gently gives me my due while pointing me towards logic. Because of this, I have a chance to evaluate the validity of my own reactions before deciding upon an action. Or inaction.....as that is quite often the more legitimate choice.
She is neither a "Yes man" for me, or my devil's advocate. I don't go to her to hear what I want to hear. She also doesn't always subject me to "the other side of the story", if it isn't therapeutic and productive to do so. We have differences of opinion on some very basic and very important issues that cause heated debate between those who think they will be able to change someone's opinion if they just show them the "error in their thinking". We just don't debate those issues. Our bond is more important to us than that. Besides, we enjoy the stimulation of not being exactly the same. It isn't a threat in our relationship, it is something that keeps it new and fresh.
She knows how important she is in my life, and I am just as important in hers. Some people are fortunate enough to have such close relationships in their family lives, we are who we would choose if we were able to choose our families.
She is the person I can let know that I am about to go off the deep end because my psyche has endured too much in one sitting, and she will be an unobtrusive presence until I regain my equilibrium. She is the one I call first to share my triumphs, she knows just what they truly mean in my life.
She knows quite a bit of my history, and it is very different than hers. She doesn't hold any of it against me, she values it as a large part of what has made me who I am today, and recognizes it as learning experiences in my life. She doesn't assume that because I reacted a certain way to a certain set of circumstances in the past, that I will react again the same way, as I have learned from the past what was ineffective. She watches and celebrates my growth with me, and shares hers as well.
God willing, we will be the most enduring influence on each other's lives. I have had other friends in my life who were very nearly as important, but she is the one who is here, now, has been here, and as I said, God willing, WILL be here. I have NO doubt.....when you have that in someone, that is your safe place to be.
Being a nurse, I take care of crazy people sometimes. I am not a psych nurse, but it is the nature of the job that you see all kinds, and have to integrate all aspects of your patient's needs into their care to be effective in achieving your goals. I always wonder when I care for someone who has no real grasp anymore on reality, who doesn't take any responsibility for their actions, who sees and hears things that aren't there, how they got so far? Maybe it's because they didn't have anybody in their lives like my friend.....they never had a safe place to be.
posted by Mommanurse at 1:18 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home