A Safe Place to Be

"I want to tell you about my best friend".....Isn't that the theme song to some show?
More and more, as I get older and less tolerant, I realize how she is sometimes the only thing that keeps me sane. She is absolutely and steadfastly that friend who would be unable to bail me out of trouble because we are looking at each other and saying "Damn, that was fun!" She is that friend who, after witnessing an event, I can turn to and ask "Is it me, or do I have good reason to be upset?", and she will give me an honest answer, AND get away with it! She will get away with it because she knows me well enough to be able to make me see how internal situations might skew my reactions. She does it from my frame of reference, pulling herself out of the emotional inflexiblity of her own opinion of the situation, and gently gives me my due while pointing me towards logic. Because of this, I have a chance to evaluate the validity of my own reactions before deciding upon an action. Or inaction.....as that is quite often the more legitimate choice.
She is neither a "Yes man" for me, or my devil's advocate. I don't go to her to hear what I want to hear. She also doesn't always subject me to "the other side of the story", if it isn't therapeutic and productive to do so. We have differences of opinion on some very basic and very important issues that cause heated debate between those who think they will be able to change someone's opinion if they just show them the "error in their thinking". We just don't debate those issues. Our bond is more important to us than that. Besides, we enjoy the stimulation of not being exactly the same. It isn't a threat in our relationship, it is something that keeps it new and fresh.
She knows how important she is in my life, and I am just as important in hers. Some people are fortunate enough to have such close relationships in their family lives, we are who we would choose if we were able to choose our families.
She is the person I can let know that I am about to go off the deep end because my psyche has endured too much in one sitting, and she will be an unobtrusive presence until I regain my equilibrium. She is the one I call first to share my triumphs, she knows just what they truly mean in my life.
She knows quite a bit of my history, and it is very different than hers. She doesn't hold any of it against me, she values it as a large part of what has made me who I am today, and recognizes it as learning experiences in my life. She doesn't assume that because I reacted a certain way to a certain set of circumstances in the past, that I will react again the same way, as I have learned from the past what was ineffective. She watches and celebrates my growth with me, and shares hers as well.
God willing, we will be the most enduring influence on each other's lives. I have had other friends in my life who were very nearly as important, but she is the one who is here, now, has been here, and as I said, God willing, WILL be here. I have NO doubt.....when you have that in someone, that is your safe place to be.
Being a nurse, I take care of crazy people sometimes. I am not a psych nurse, but it is the nature of the job that you see all kinds, and have to integrate all aspects of your patient's needs into their care to be effective in achieving your goals. I always wonder when I care for someone who has no real grasp anymore on reality, who doesn't take any responsibility for their actions, who sees and hears things that aren't there, how they got so far? Maybe it's because they didn't have anybody in their lives like my friend.....they never had a safe place to be.

Live until you die

I REALLY love what I do. Yes, it can be frustrating, stressful, depressing and a whole bunch of other adjectives that I could name, but even after 20 plus years, I still find it more rewarding than you would think.
You cannot imagine some of the things I have learned about life from this job. We see people at their very worst, their most scared, sometimes at their most manipulative.
I have a phrase I repeat often, and that is "I'm going to the woods!" This means there are certain diseases that the cure is worse than the illness, and I would not want to go through what we put people through trying to fix them. It would be better to go hide in the woods, make myself as comfortable as possible, and when it is time, become part of the food chain. (Are you listening, Michael Valentine Smith? This job has taught me to GROK.)Not being actively suicidal, I still have a plan in mind.
But, unless I come down with something that I know I will not survive (like life?), I plan on living unil I die.
I remember a little 94 year old lady I cared for several years ago. She was four foot nothing . 88 pounds, 50 of which was her smile. She was "noncompliant" and saucy about it. At 94, I tend to have the attitude that you should get to say and do anything you %#@* well please, so I let her get away with alot. One time, she had gone to the bathroom, and I took that opportunity to remake her bed. I put it to it's highest position, which was at least 3 and a half feet from the floor, and got through most of my remake before she came out of the bathroom. The topsheet that I had picked up had a big rip in it, so, leaving the bed in it's high position, I went to get another top sheet. I came back to the room to find this little bit of nuthin with one leg slung up in the bed, climbing in. I said "what in the world are you doing?" "Getting back in bed!" (DUH) I laughed, and said,"You just can't stay out of trouble, can you?" She looked at me with a half smile on her face and said, "Well, I look at it this way honey, I'm going to be dead a LONG time!"
Yupper.

I thought I knew me

As I mentioned in an earlier blog, my family is still recovering from Hurricane Ivan. We are now 14 months, and I expect, several more months, and maybe years, before we can say "DONE!" Money has run out, thankfully, not without the necessities being installed. AND without really scrimping badly in the process. We didn't go top drawer on many things, but we didn't get junk just to have it done. We reconfigured the house to maximize storage and room space, the new roof cost a third of the available money ( we found that the term "rolled roofing" means it rolls off to your back yard during a hurricane).We wanted to avoid, as well as we can, doing this again next year. We brought many things up to code that had been limping along for over 50 years. Complete new wiring, complete new plumbing ( trust me folks, don't raise your kids to be doctors or lawyers, send them to Votech school, you'll get a much better return!), replacement of termite damage that had been there for 20 plus years, hidden.
We lived in the house before it was livable, thanks to family and friends with that votech kind of training, with extension cords through the windows, and at one point, "rednecked indoor plumbin'" consisting of a garden hose through the front window to the toilet tank for more convenient flushes. We had been blessed with a nice sized camper that had survived, which provided us a place to live for 4 1/2 months. And a place for me when I was working my night shift and needed to sleep during the day while progress was happening in the house. We lived in the camper full time at first because the Army Corps of Engineers "blue Roof" program created more leakage than we had with just a regular tarp stretched across the roof. We had to fashion funnels to make one big leak from 10 or so by stapling up drop cloth to the ceiling beams, at an angle, to direct the water into collection buckets. The moment we had new good roof overhead, we called for delivery of our new bed. You should have seen the looks on the guys faces when they delivered the bed! They were carrying boxes THROUGH the wall studs. When they asked how I was going to power the bed ( we bought one of those sleep number beds, air system, needs 'lectric), I held up extension cord #6. I would frequently wake up in the morning, roll over, look through 2 walls to my husband,very engrossed in the sports page, on his throne. TMI? Okay, but it was our comfort zone, no matter how primitive.
Every bit of progress towards normalcy was noted, one of the biggest was when the kitchen was finished. I am so proud of my kitchen, I could pop, but just having functional sinks in the house was a HUGE deal! No more hauling water from the crick!
The biggets surprises for my husband and I are the small things that we are finding increase our comfort level enormously. One for my husband was when we brought the big screen tv home. It worked, thankfully, and that was great. It wasn't the tv that was the issue, tho. We, in the same trip, brought the dog's toy box home. It had been in the storage shed for over a year. When we brought it in, she circled it a couple of times, sniffed it, and when she decided it wasn't dangerous, began counting her toys. Later that night while watching the tv, he looked around the living room. She was in the floor, on her back with a toy between her paws, very efficiently killing it. On the floor, scattered over the entire living room area, was about 10 of her favorites. He looked at me, smiled and said, "feels like home now."
For me, a moment came today when I went out to survey progress on repairing the front porch. Enough was done that it looked like a porch again, and it is possible it will be finished today. If not today, then tomorrow. Then, we can let the great lizard/palmetto bug hunters out on the porch again without fear of their losing the cat/car wars. Squirrels again will have to decide whether they are really in danger or not, and they will do their best to convince them they could "get out of here if we wanted!".
We are coming to realize how much of our own comfort is tied up in the comfort of our animals. While many would say that was a waste of time and effort, my husband and I will just call it...........Home.

There has been quite a bit of discussion lately over the argument about "intelligent design", and this has reminded me of an instructor I had while I was going through Nursing School. He taught Anatomy and Physiology, and did it well. He made the class fun, did this trick of tossing the chalk from behind his back over his shoulder and catching it in front at waist level. Did it forty or so times during the course of a lecture, seemingly, without even thinking about it. We laughed out loud several times during the course of the lecture, and on every exam, at the end was a nonsense question that had no right answer, so it never counted against you.
I don't remember what brought the subject up, but he was discussing animals and whether they had emotions or not. His contention was that they did not, that every thing animals did was either survival instinct, or learned response as in "Pavlov's dogs". He discussed examples of his own dog's behavior, so we knew his opinion wasn't from an animal hater's point of view, and he had a ready answer (ready, not satisfactory, to many of us) for every question that came his way in attempts to cast doubt on this belief.
There are many people who feel the same way he does in varying degrees. I read many articles from vets, animals behaviorists, etc, that say animals, especially dogs, have no concept of time. Oh yeah? Then why does my dog stand at the front door every day, with her nose to the wood, as if she has x-ray vision, starting at about 5pm? She will stand there for an hour or so before she gives up the staring through the door routine, but it is replaced by nearby vigilance, until her Daddy gets home from work. A dog we had as a child would wake my Dad up if he overslept in the morning, which was a very rare occurance and usually involved a power outage which would mean that no alarm clock went off, to alert the dog that it was "time".
If you have animals, you know that they have to go with you to save you from the bathroom monster. It's the law. They will have to answer to the head beagle if they don't. Even cats, and answering to the head beagle is MUCH worse for them! Our dog would frequently jump up into the tub while I was still busy, and lap up the water around the drain. Not as disgusting as drinking out of the toilet, but if you have taken Microbiology in your lifetime, and know what we know, disgusting enough! One day, she was, for some unknown doggy reason, lagging behind. Our black cat came into the bathroom before she arrived, and jumped into the tub and hunkered down. This was a rare enough occurance that I just sat and watched to see what he was up to. The dog came in, and as soon as she was sure I was safe, put her paws on the side of the tub, preparing to jump in. POPPOP!! A left and a right to each side of her face, before she knew what hit her, and off like a streak, the cat escaped before she could retaliate! It was a good thing I was already on the pot, I would have peed my pants laughing otherwise. My dog just looked at me with a confused expression, like "What Happened?". To her credit, she didn't leave her post to get revenge, at least not right at that moment. Now, this was premeditated....how LONG had the cat been planning this, just waiting for the right moment, the few minutes that the dog was distracted by something else so he could get in the bathroom before she did, without her seeing him do it? This is an in-out cat too. It's not like he hangs around the house all day, with nothing else to do.
This happened long after I had graduated, but not before this professor had quit teaching. It wasn't important enough to bring to him to evaluate, as I had decided he was somebody I wouldn't want to have a debate with on any subject. He was suspected of abusing various substances, especially in his last few years teaching, had taken "sabbaticals" on a couple of occasions, that most of the students assumed were stints in rehab. He had been a bit of a hound dog always, he liked the sweet young things in his classes, and liked to party with the "in" group of students who were in his class at the time. He had also let it be known that he was an athiest, was proud of it, to the point of writing editorials in the paper on the subject to enlighten believers of their folly.
Within the last year, word got around very quickly, since many of us in the health field had taken his classes, that he had arrived at one of our satellite hospital's ER and had died there of a massive heart attack at the age of 62 or so. When I heard, it occurred to me that NOW he knew the answers to things we disagreed about, he NOW knew the truth, and I said out loud, with a snicker "What do you think now (insert name)?" I quit snickering when I suddenly realized the implication of his knowing the truth.

Surviving a hospital admission part 1

Oh, boy, have I just opened a bag of worms!! This could take years and a jillion posts to even come close to having a comprehensive list.
I am forever perplexed at how many people come into the hospital with NO idea what a dangerous place it is! And I am not talking just about the kind of knowledge that only insiders would have, I am talking about having basic knowledge about their own condition, medicines, family histories and any other issues that might impact what happens to them while they are in our care.
So, let's start with the basics:
BRING A LIST OF YOUR MEDICATIONS
Include in your list ones that you may not be allergic to, but did not sit well with you, such as, made you sick at your stomache, made you feel jittery, etc. Make sure this list goes with you when you leave the ER to go to your hospital room.

ALLERGIES
To medicines, food, scents, lotions,cleaning supplies, on and on. If it makes you sneeze, itch, breaks you out, makes you have trouble breathing, gives you a headache, we want to know about it.

SURGERIES
We don't want to waste time looking for your gallbladder if you don't have one. We don't always tell you what we are looking for in the x-ray we are taking. An MRI can't be done if you have metals in your body, pacemakers, defibrillators.

WHO WE SHOULD CALL
Give us more than one contact, but keep in mind that we will be telling these people your business. Things happen very quickly, and if we cannot reach your main contact, we need to get someone else, preferably someone who might know how to reach your main contact. We need to know who it is okay to give your info to, as there are laws that prevent us from telling anyone how you are, even if they are family. We get cussed alot......

IF YOU HAVE A LIST OF ALL THESE, KEEP IT UPDATED!!!!
If your doctor took you off a beta-blocker because it slowed your heart too much, but it didn't come off your list, you may get it before your primary doc knows because the ER doc saw it on your list and ordered it for you.

IF YOU HAVE ENCOUNTERED A SPECIALIST THAT YOU WOULDN'T TAKE YOUR DOG TO, ADD HIM TO THE LIST, WITH A NOTATION "DO NOT CALL OR CONSULT".

IF YOU HAVE A LIVING WILL, FILE IT WITH YOUR MD, HOSPITAL, AND KEEP AN ABBREVIATED COPY ON YOUR PERSON.
You need to understand that a living will is not, at this time in many, maybe even all, states a legal document that would prevent the paramedics from doing CPR, it is only a form that lets your MD, your family, and anyone else who sees it, know what your wishes are. Legally, unless we have a valid "DO NOT RESUSCITATE" order, we have to do what we can.

ASK QUESTIONS
Don't put anything in your mouth unless you know you are supposed to have it. Don't let any procedures be done unless you know what, why, what it is to accomplish and what may happen after. Many procedures can't be done unless you sign a consent form for them. Don't sign any papers until you have had a chance to read them, or have a complete explanation of what they say, should you not be able to read at that time.

AND MAYBE THE MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL!!
Remember that the doctors work for you, you have hired them to direct your health care. The nurses keep you alive, comfortable, fed, clean, and hopefully, spiritually and psychologically content, based on the MD's orders and their good common sense. If you hire someone to mow your lawn, and you look out the window and they are leaving a 3 foot swatch of unmowed area between each row they mow, wouldn't you say something about it, or even fire them? Your health care is no different. Don't go shouting "off with their heads" unless you have a good idea that you need to, but don't suffer suboptimal attention to detail because you are intimidated. YOU ARE THE BOSS!

Remember that the people caring for you are human. And usually overworked, undersupplied, and who knows what personal baggage they brought in the door with them that day? I tell my patients, "I walk into my kitchen, stand there for a minute, and think ' now, what did I come in here for?' JUST LIKE YOU DO!"

Greybeard's pain

Just finished reading his lastest post "Monsoon Season In Viet Nam". Made me wish I could hold him for awhile and have the right words to say that would put this pain where it belongs. I can't and don't. The only people who might are people who have "been there and done that" and burned the t-shirt when they were done.
I know this man, not as well as some, and better than quite a few. There is a breakthrough occuring here for him to post this, and I hope it is a healing one. For many years, his family didn't hear many of these stories. We heard this one, because it was a name we were familiar with. But pain prevented him from relating the stories that haunted his sleep.
I am a nurse, have been for over 20 years. And I firmly believe that there are worse things than dying. While Greybeard's pain may not quite fit into this catagory, what causes him pain is his imagination of this CHILD'S last moments. And those moments DO fit in this category. Dying was the easy part. And his Mother's pain just very well MAY fit into this category.
So, I ask that you not only pray for those who are out there now, fighting for us, I ask you to pray for those who did in the past and are carrying many hidden scars from it. Especially those who had the fortitude to come back from hell and remain, (or in some cases, become) valuable assets in our lives. Have compassion for those who didn't, we have no way to comprehend their psychic burdens.
I have been caring, for the past 10-15 years, for guys who come in with hugely swollen stomaches, orange/copper skin, orangey/tea colored urine and all we can do for them is get the ammonia levels in their systems down low enough to keep them from seeing spiders on the walls. They didn't have to be drunks for the amount of alcohol that they drink to exacerbate the damage done by agent orange to their livers. And in some cases, they didn't drink at all, it happened anyway. Spiders may very well be the most benign thing they see.....
I see guys who come up to you and the first thing they tell you is that they have PTSD, just before they ask for a cigarette, or some spare change. I struggle with my judgement system just like any other human when this happens. But, now, I have been through something in my life that has made me go "Oh!" when I think about what trauma and stress does to people. I still don't have the right or the wherewithall to say I understand, I never will. But, I now know for certain that if I expect compassion and understanding, I have to give it. And I will pray for them just as hard as I do the ones who are currently creating monsters and nightmares and demons they will carry for the rest of their lives......if they are lucky.....or not.

Finally!

I originated this spot while my family was enduring the recovery from hurricane Ivan. A family member had begun blogging, and I found it interesting. Problem was, house was demolished, camper wouldn't hold a computer (weren't sure at that point if it would have been usable, even so) and my connection to cyberspace was an MSNTV2 unit. Now, that was a wonderful critter as far as keeping me connected with the rest of the world was concerned, but was limited in many ways. I could log on, name everything, set my password, etc., but when it came time to put the curser in the area to begin typing, I hit a brick wall. Frustrating, but very small potatoes when compared to the other things we were enduring, and to a smaller extent, still are.
Here we are, more than one year later, and we have just reconnected a new computer (Old Bessie survived, but with too many glitches to deal with). Some around here haven't even really begun their recovery, and I feel if I were in their shoes, I would load up a car and move north, even without a penny to my name. I can't wrap my brain around what Katrina's victims are dealing with, and WILL deal with. Ivan was a disaster, one that has inflicted varying degrees of PTSD on us all, and it was not near as bad as the mess Katrina left behind. Not because she was that much worse as a storm, but because of multiple factors that would have come into play with very similar results, had Ivan hit where she did. And for that area, the trauma has just begun. More on that later.
Explanation for the name of this blog......you ever wonder if God has a sense of humor? Never fear, HE/SHE does, and it is extremely warped!! Timing is everything. The hurricane/recovery from and menopause are occuring at the same time! Not as cruel as could be, tho, for when the hot flashes would become a true factor in my sleep patterns, we had air conditioning in some form to use. The feather pillow reference is thrown in because I wanted a source of comfort amidst the thorns.
So, here we are, and I hope to connect with some of you in the future!