Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

Wow. NEVER would I have believed that my semi-retirement would have been the difficult adjustment that it has proven to be. Once again, I have to decide who and what I want to be when I grow up. Turns out that I didn't have that figured out as solidly as I thought. Financial changes have left me with not as much flying around cash as I had before. I joke that I didn't have any idea how rich I was until I wasn't rich anymore. This is mostly ok with me. If I had to go back to what I was doing before, full time, it would definitely not be worth it. I have been poor before, and I can do it again. I am not truly poor, I am just making sure my whims don't make me poorer later in my life.And really, all I have to do is stop being as wasteful as we have been for a long time. This is pretty easy to do, since while I was "rich", we accumulated enough toys to make our lives in paradise pretty glorious. As an example, yesterday I had my feet in flowing fresh water, throwing a ball over and over (and over and over) to my beautiful, funny , loyal, loving chocolate lab, and watching her pure joy as she bounded out into the still chilly water to retrieve it. My husband and I took turns doing this chore so we would be able to sleep last night without pain. I came back to a completely comfortable camper, took a hot shower, cooked supper, watched some tv and slept in a bed that feels as much my own bed as the one we have at home. I am financially solid enough that when friends need help, I am able, most of the time to do so. I am able to look around both my domiciles and count my blessings and surprise myself when I dig into areas I haven't in awhile, and finding forgotten "I'll do this when I have time" projects. Projects that, for me, are a form of meditation. They frustrate my husband in that they make a big mess, and often infringe on his comfort. But, he recognizes the benefit I get from them, and he believes as the cliche goes, "when Momma is happy, everyone is happy". I try not to abuse his patience. I have worked since I was 14,including a 6 year stint in the Navy, sometimes 2 and 3 jobs at a time, which adds up to 49 years not having my whole life to myself. Do we not look towards retirement with the idea that it will be so wonderful when we are only responsible to ourselves and family/friends? Our lifetime of responsibility to our responsibilities is a hard thing to. So, here I sit, having to convince my self that I can, in fact, plan my day the way I want. How is it we fight our entire lives to have control, then when we get it we don't know what to do with it? Of all the things that I have been poorly prepared to handle, this is the most baffling to me. There isn't much to distract me from all the pathways I have available to me. I am a rabid Libra, and must weigh my options out until I can come to a solid conclusion regarding how to proceed. Too many things to weigh. In reality, I have usually done what I wanted anyway. What I have to learn is how to enjoy it without guilt. Stupid, mostly nonexistent guilt. And not get militant or overly self indulgent when I learn how. I have very limited time left to do all the things I want before I lose the physical capability or leave this world and those I love. I want to get to it and enjoy life to it's fullest. So, my advise to you is, start now limiting how much you define yourself by your accomplishments. They are not as important in the greater picture as we think. Don't base your happiness on your ability to make others happy. And be realistic about how much impact you have in this world. I suspect it is a minute percentage of what we believe. When you find that place, it will be easier to be happy and less stressed in it. I hope.