Perspective
I have long known that how I see myself, and what I know about me is vastly different than the picture others have.
I am "Mommanurse" to many who know me at work. That should conjure up a nurturing, loving entity, for if it wasn't, it would be "MOTHERnurse" (or maybe Mommydearestnurse). Notice I said KNOW me at work. I have often been told that until people got to know me, they were scared of me. I didn't realize I came across that judgemental and intimidating. I don't want to change that much, because what I do, and what the people around me do, all the way to the housekeepers and linen people, is a job too important to have anything other than a very serious attitude. That doesn't mean you can't have fun, it means having fun while taking care of business at the same time. But, I wish I had always made it very clear that I was always approachable and ready to be a resource person. My shift people know that, but they have had a chance to know me better in the first shift they work with me, than the other shift does in quite awhile. Our contact is brief, and filled with "just the facts, ma'am" because it is time for somebody to get the heck out of there and go home. Nobody is interested in social nuances at that point.
If you have never seen the series "Judging Amy", this will mean nothing to you. Tyne Daily's character, Maxine Gray, is somebody I can identify with, very closely. VERY flawed, VERY stubborn, VERY sure of her own truth and how that should be everyone's truth. Shaken to her core when she continues to learn those life lessons about how everyone's individual truth is still truth. Neglecting herself to take care of everyone else, when she is smart enough to know you can't take care of ANYONE else, unless you care for yourself first. She can't spare the time tho. Tilting at windmills repeatedly until she has to retreat from the frustration of it all. Leaving very little reserve for her personal traumas when they occur. Does not suffer fools gladly, and reacts to stupidity (other than her own) with temper tantrums. Still and all, deep down, has compassion for people who are just "poor slobs trying to get by in this world", as long as they are trying at all to be any kind of decent human being. No matter what their faults. Understands that "but for the GRACE of GOD" she goes. Her daughter on the show, Amy, said it very well....."Life wants to be a mess."
Oh to be as beautiful as Tyne Daily, especially when she smiles. She smiles with her entire face. I have no idea how far off I am in other's perception when it comes to relating to her character. Not sure I want to know, because in my mind, she is a hero. One of those everyday heroes who's name never ends up in the paper. Who just keeps trudging along, hoping she is leaving a positive memory on most people she touches. Who relishes most of her reputation as a tough bird, and WANTS to scare the poopy out of those who need to be scared. But, who knows how fragile she truly is. And is mortified when anyone else gets a glimpse.
Everyone who knows Maxine loves her. Makes fun of her flaws, but is safe in doing it even to her face. That's what I want to be. I have had enough people say things to me that let me know who THEY thought I was, to know that I am not Maxine Gray to hardly anybody. But I AM to enough people to make me happy. They are the ones who matter. They are the ones who have taken time to really get to know my inner workings. The others only listen to half of my sentences, or interpret facial expressions from their own frame of reference ( which is ALL they can do) and I am somebody to them that is SO foreign to who I really am, that I should have another name. Sometimes it is very sad. We could do each other some good, if we only took time to sort out what is common about us.
Who are you? Who are you to other people? How many times have you had somebody ask you "What's wrong?" when you didn't have any idea that your body language was conveying that something was? How many times in your life do you say something and have people take it completely a different way than what was meant? Is it their perception, or your delivery? How many times does that happen with someone you thought knew you better? How much leeway are we willing to give for these quirks in perception?
To put this in very practical terms, I now have two people above me in my chain of command who knew me before they were my boss. I am very fortunate they they know me well enough to have a favorable opinion of my work, and enough of a favorable opinion of my integrity and personality, that it isn't going to cause me problems. "There but for the GRACE of GOD...."
Perception. It is a much bigger word than it looks.
I am "Mommanurse" to many who know me at work. That should conjure up a nurturing, loving entity, for if it wasn't, it would be "MOTHERnurse" (or maybe Mommydearestnurse). Notice I said KNOW me at work. I have often been told that until people got to know me, they were scared of me. I didn't realize I came across that judgemental and intimidating. I don't want to change that much, because what I do, and what the people around me do, all the way to the housekeepers and linen people, is a job too important to have anything other than a very serious attitude. That doesn't mean you can't have fun, it means having fun while taking care of business at the same time. But, I wish I had always made it very clear that I was always approachable and ready to be a resource person. My shift people know that, but they have had a chance to know me better in the first shift they work with me, than the other shift does in quite awhile. Our contact is brief, and filled with "just the facts, ma'am" because it is time for somebody to get the heck out of there and go home. Nobody is interested in social nuances at that point.
If you have never seen the series "Judging Amy", this will mean nothing to you. Tyne Daily's character, Maxine Gray, is somebody I can identify with, very closely. VERY flawed, VERY stubborn, VERY sure of her own truth and how that should be everyone's truth. Shaken to her core when she continues to learn those life lessons about how everyone's individual truth is still truth. Neglecting herself to take care of everyone else, when she is smart enough to know you can't take care of ANYONE else, unless you care for yourself first. She can't spare the time tho. Tilting at windmills repeatedly until she has to retreat from the frustration of it all. Leaving very little reserve for her personal traumas when they occur. Does not suffer fools gladly, and reacts to stupidity (other than her own) with temper tantrums. Still and all, deep down, has compassion for people who are just "poor slobs trying to get by in this world", as long as they are trying at all to be any kind of decent human being. No matter what their faults. Understands that "but for the GRACE of GOD" she goes. Her daughter on the show, Amy, said it very well....."Life wants to be a mess."
Oh to be as beautiful as Tyne Daily, especially when she smiles. She smiles with her entire face. I have no idea how far off I am in other's perception when it comes to relating to her character. Not sure I want to know, because in my mind, she is a hero. One of those everyday heroes who's name never ends up in the paper. Who just keeps trudging along, hoping she is leaving a positive memory on most people she touches. Who relishes most of her reputation as a tough bird, and WANTS to scare the poopy out of those who need to be scared. But, who knows how fragile she truly is. And is mortified when anyone else gets a glimpse.
Everyone who knows Maxine loves her. Makes fun of her flaws, but is safe in doing it even to her face. That's what I want to be. I have had enough people say things to me that let me know who THEY thought I was, to know that I am not Maxine Gray to hardly anybody. But I AM to enough people to make me happy. They are the ones who matter. They are the ones who have taken time to really get to know my inner workings. The others only listen to half of my sentences, or interpret facial expressions from their own frame of reference ( which is ALL they can do) and I am somebody to them that is SO foreign to who I really am, that I should have another name. Sometimes it is very sad. We could do each other some good, if we only took time to sort out what is common about us.
Who are you? Who are you to other people? How many times have you had somebody ask you "What's wrong?" when you didn't have any idea that your body language was conveying that something was? How many times in your life do you say something and have people take it completely a different way than what was meant? Is it their perception, or your delivery? How many times does that happen with someone you thought knew you better? How much leeway are we willing to give for these quirks in perception?
To put this in very practical terms, I now have two people above me in my chain of command who knew me before they were my boss. I am very fortunate they they know me well enough to have a favorable opinion of my work, and enough of a favorable opinion of my integrity and personality, that it isn't going to cause me problems. "There but for the GRACE of GOD...."
Perception. It is a much bigger word than it looks.
posted by Mommanurse at 7:51 AM
1 comments
